Netlore - I just can't get enough virus email!

I love urban legends and folklore. Actually, I hate urban legends because they're usually scary and then I can't sleep at night, but I love folklore. I didn't really know what that term meant until I took a humanities class where the professor was obsessed with folklore and told us all to forget Paul Bunyan and Washington's cherry tree and start looking at everyday superstitions and oral traditions. It changed the way I viewed life (I'm not being cheesy, it really did!) and the stories I hear buzzing around me day by day.

The idea for this post popped into my head 3 minutes ago when I was reading an email from my beloved friend who is always so kind to forward me email warnings about the virus that will destroy the Zero Sector of my hard drive and then crawl out and plug my toilet. (That's the best part about folklore, or "netlore" as it's evidently called: the story somehow stays intact throughout a plethora of retellings) The advent of email turned folklore into a tangible, trackable medium of expression - it's not so formal that everyday speech and stories are inappropriate, but it's not as fleeting and fluid as oral communication. Anyway, I'm reading my bud's email and as I read the virus' name ("Olypmic Torch") I think "Wait, this seems very familiar, maybe I got one just like it before..." so I look. Lo and behold, on April 12, 2006 I received not one but two emails titled "Fwd: READ AS SOON AS POSSIBLE" They were followed up on May 26, 2006 by an email from my beloved sister, entitled "FW: Fwd: Fw: Fw: READ AS SOON AS POSSIBLE" Yes, this is a hoax, a piece of netlore that has been circulating since early 2006, spreading panic and higher blood pressure throughout the United States and beyond.

My favorite one, to which I took a considerable amount of time to respond, was sent to me (the first time) on January 20, 2005 under the seductive title of "Fwd: FW: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news!" It assured me that if I sent this email on to my entire address list, Microsoft and AOL and Toast Masters (something like that) would track it and send me a check for 3 billion dollars. Click here to read the email text

THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USATODAY - IT IS FOR REAL


Subject: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news!






!!!! It was on the news! Kathy South Alcoa - EHS Maintenance Coordinator Phone: 765/771 - 3547 Pager : 765/420 - 6575

To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages, But this is from my good friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is an attorney.

If she says that this will work - It will work. After all, What have you got to lose? SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I'm an attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long ago.

Dear Friends; Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it ( If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks time period.

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a check.

Regards. Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations
1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX
292-1085 Charles_Bailey@csx.com Charles_bailey@csx.com


I thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and within days, I receive a check for $24,800.00. You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this, Bill gates is the man.

It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10,000.00. We're not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time. My brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game. She showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid in full"

Like I said before, I know the law, and this is for real.

Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the most widely used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it( if you are a Microsoft Windows user)for a two week time period.

Try it; What have you got to lose????

This seemed odd to me, and since if I made a dork out of myself by sending this potentially dangerous email on (who knows, perhaps that email contained the Olympic Torch?) then I wanted my money, I did a quick google search which lead directly to an article called "the Microsoft email tracking hoax" or something like that. It was great. The author was a mathematician and figured that if it were the real deal then Microsoft would be paying out more than the United States national debt. Click here for my reply, which used that guy's equation.

Dear everybody,
Sorry to bust all ya'lls bubble, but let's analyze this email a bit.
First of all, it has all the makings of a hoax (just like the urban
legends we all know and love). The "this is real" gig, with all the
phone numbers and newspapers (does anyone ever even call them?), the
reference to "the similar case" with other big companies, the claim that
"it happened to a close friend", the whole bit. It's a bonafide hoax.

Next, let's do our math. Let's say everyone sends it to 2 people:

I send it to 2 people =
2 people x $245 = $490 for me
Those 2 send it to 2 people each =
4 people x $243 = $972 for me
Those 4 send it to 2 people each =
8 people x $241 = $1928 for me

In all, I get 490 + 972 + 1928 = $3390.

In fact, if everyone sends it to 2 people, then everyone gets the same
amount (except the ones at the very end). So everyone get $3390. Lets
say that "Microsoft" determines that they will pay out for all
participants of the first 9 rounds (one round being one time that the
email is sent). So how many people are involved all together? It's
exponential - basically the formula would be 2^(n+1)-1 with "n" as the
number of rounds Microsoft is willing to count (we subtract one because
the very first person to email out doesn't count). Okay, so 9 rounds
emailing 2 people each is 2^(9+1)-1 = 1023 people involved total. 1023
* $3390 is..
$3,467,970!! Microsoft could probably handle that, right? Plus, how
long would it really take to send an email to 2 people, 9 times over?
Maybe a day or so?

Do you guys follow me?

Now let's look at more realistic numbers (the above is a simple
example). Who in their right mind sends an email like this to only 2
people? I think 10 is even a low estimate, but we'll use 10. Everyone
sends the email to 10 people. So, using the same math as above, the
first round I get $2450, the second round I get $24300, and the third
and final round I get $241000. Total, I get $267,750. I wouldn't mind
that for a salary. How many people involved? 10^(9+1)-1 = 9999999999
Okay, now for the big numbers. IF THIS EMAIL IS TRUE, THEN EVERYONE WHO
SENT THE EMAIL GETS:

9999999999 * $267,750 =

$2,677,499,999,732,250.00

For those of you who don't do well with big numbers, here's a
comparison:
The National Debt of the United States of America as of 21 Jan 2005 at
08:04:50 PM GMT is:

$7,618,536,921,225.08

So, if this email is true, Microsoft would be willing to pay more than
350 times the US National Debt just to "make sure that Internet Explorer
remains the most widely used program." Not even Bill Gates has that
kind of money. Sorry guys, ya'll just have to keep buying lottery
tickets.

brh

p.s. Yes, I have too much free time at work. :)

I received that email several times over the next few months, including from my dad and brother. Email has greatly expanded the potential of folklore to effect our daily lives, from the jovial/superstitious (if you don't forward this message to 7 people you'll lose love for 7 years!) to the patriotic (Red Shirt Friday) to the down-right scary (like my introduction to netlore in '96, right before I learned to drive: Gang Initiation - Flash Your Headlights and Die!)

I found a decent article in Wikipedia on Folklore, but a simple search on Netlore hasn't revealed any substantial research on the subject of email hoaxes and folklore. I've only found lists of known email hoaxes - no real look at the history of it all and no analysis of netlore as an expression of Internet culture. Is it that no one has pursued the subject, brushing it off as petty emails that go straight in the Junk folder? Or am I just too much of a novice at googling? It makes me want to compile all my old hoax emails and start a wiki article about Netlore, plumbing the depths of where they start and why they're important. I think the type of oral and email traditions we pass around really does reflect the society in which we live. It might not be worth my time, but I know at least one person would appreciate it: my humanities professor.