Your Temple

Everybody needs to have a temple of their own. A place of peace, where you can come close to Nature and the Divine. A place where all things begin to make sense, where confusion and troubles give way to clarity and opportunities. Where you learn all the things that you already knew, which somehow seem new in contrast with your current struggles.

When problems make their way into your heart, or you're exhausted from always battling with the same questions that keep you up every night, don't find a distraction. Don't blast it away with loud music or hide it away with smoky darkness or drink it away with temporary elixirs. Don't sweep it under the mat or settle for impermanent solutions. Don't run away to a distant land, only to find your monster waiting on your doorstep. Don't bury yourself in busy-ness and work, only to find your assailant working right beside you. Don't ignore it for so long that your bottled-up emotional trauma suddenly becomes somatic and you become so ill that you can't do any good for anyone.

There's something absolutely terrifying about looking fear in the face. Lost hope and unmet expectations are even worse. Defeat and doubt probably the worst of all. But once faced, these enemies can no longer haunt you because you see them for what they are: spiritual imbalance. Something is out of whack between how you perceive your inner soul and how your soul really is. Someone's singing off note and you think it's your soul but your soul thinks it's you.

The only way back is through the doors of your temple. Stepping away from the worries of the world and allowing, for only a moment, your mind and heart to get back in tune. Taking all the little pieces of your emotion that life has flung around your soul and connecting them back together. Permitting a higher power to cleanse the filth that collects in the cracks of your heart. It's like defragmenting your spirit.

I just got back from one of my temples (yes, I have many) and I feel like I've been liberated from a wicked tyrant who has held me hostage for a long time. I entered with a specific question, and got the answer almost before I sat down. After 2 good hours of meditation, I have no clue what went on around me but I know that my life has been changed and a new direction set. Actually, it's the old direction that I knew I should have been following anyway, but refinding it has made all the difference.

Dreams

the only thing now that can get to me, now i've found my dreams
is when I look in her eyes and see that i don't meet what she needs in me
first come the smarts and then come the skills, i finally got my degree
but what happens when the rice comes to an end?
the skills make the heroes and smarts become dead

i'm looking forward but can't see

the books on the shelf are collecting dust, i've consumed them all
but now and again i hear words in my head that
all of this theory still can't meet the ends

i'm looking forward but can't see

sometimes i dream of my children, all so pure and naive
they love unconditional, illuminating
all of the things I've been taught from the start
reminding me of the angels they are
but when they ask for bread
how can i give stones instead?

i'm looking forward but can't see

i know I have more, i scream to the sky
endowed with all things that i need in this life
but can i give more? can't I give more?

i watch them asleep on a bed of dreams as i make my night call
wondering what all their wishes mean and if i can meet them all

i'm looking forward but can't see

i'm looking forward but can't see

Tết Trung Thu social

Come see our photos
We had our summer social for the branch last night, which happened to fall near Tết Trung Thu, so we sang a Tết Trung Thu song and called it good. It was one of the better socials I've been to as of late - nice and intimate, and more games for the kids than you can shake a stick at!

I unknowingly took most of these at 480x640 (dork!) Thanks Kathy for letting us use your camera.

Harmony

Some art just speaks to me. Last year, someone sent me a little animation called Animator vs Animation. I watched it several times, then began to browse the other works of Mr Alan Becker, the "Animator" of that short. I found in his journal that he had a sister, who went by "ilsung," who was an artist as well. Seeing that Alan was out doing good as a missionary and would therefore be unable to update his page anymore, I wandered over to ilsung's page to see some of her works. I was enchanted. There was something about her art - no, it's her expression, her feeling, her originality- that held me speechless for a moment as I looked through her gallery. I called my wife over and we looked together, commenting on the simple, graceful lines and hues that made up her images. We downloaded some we've used them as our wallpapers ever since. I even have this image as my phone wallpaper. I just feel happy when I look at it.

I've stopped by often since then, enjoying her new pieces, browsing back to my old favorites and admiring her skill. I've learned what it is that draws me to her most recent work: a constant reach upward (example), an inspiring draw to the heavenly (example), and her portrayal of heaven's interaction with with we mere mortals (example).

Harmony is now preparing to leave on her missionary service. My wife and I wish her well and hope she does much good while she's there. But we also look forward to when she returns, in case we want to change our wallpaper.

Nhà tôi

Lúc gặp khó nhà tôi cũng hộ
Bản thân đầy xấu cứ dối là thiện
Nãy sửng sốt gặp ma trong nhà
Nhà tôi đã bền không bỏ không trách
Nay nhận ân trời ban trong nhà
Nhận tôi bị ám chứ không phải nhà.

the Strait and Narrow

IMG_4877, originally uploaded by onlyblue.

This photo is so full of symbolism to me... I've been looking at it all morning.

Walk

Yesterday I had to walk so much
After biking to and fro from work
Like any normal day
I took a new bus route to school
Fell asleep
Passed Chapman
Went all the way to Katella
Before I figured out Chapman
Was 5 minutes ago
Jumped off the bus
Can't miss class
Ran the mile in my office clothes
And 5-year-old Sketchers
With too many holes and not enough tread
Fell upon the bus stop
"The bus broke down, we'll have to wait for the next one"
Great.
2 hours of class and back to the bus
Caught the early one
Might get some homework done tonight
Off the bus, to the next stop
Bus not scheduled for 34 minutes
Great.
I'll be home by then
If I walk
And I did.

Today while riding my bike to and fro from work
I saw a man a-crossing the street
Pink pack, shorter than most
Behind the rest
One leg longer
Than the other
Never corrected
Limping in back
Knee over-extended
Foot under-curved in a painful arch
Limping in back
Across the street
Through the parking lot
Into the way station
Red light to Green
Go

Thank you, Lord, for letting me walk so much

Belated and Unfinished Xanghe Version 1.0

Well, it's done. For now. I've been working on this little blog since January and now it's time to stop. I'm not done with everything I was planning to do, but life has a way of pulling in different directions quite suddenly and I've just been yanked. So no more blog design. For now.

Here's a condensed list of the release notes, accessible from the link in the top corner:

• 02.04.08 - v0.6 LAUNCH




• main components (blog body, sidebar, header, etc) designed and implemented


• styling for font, links, drop caps, etc. finished




• 02.07.08 - v0.8 LAUNCH




• image style to imitate polariod


• moveability - post-it notes and static clings can be repositioned by drag and drop


• release notes styled and written




• 02.26.08 - v0.9 LAUNCH




• travel log seems to be working, so I'll keep it


• lightbox also seems to have passed the test, so it's a keeper


• some credits/info added to bottom (will expand)


• keeping old Viet terms in archive for future viewing




• 03.18.08 - v1.0 LAUNCH




• installation and testing of time-sensitive background completed (for now)

Now that time-sensitive background is supposed to be much more than it now is. So far, I've only got a day, night and sunrise background, and it's all in winter. I had big plans, like having spring, summer and fall seasons and even attach some script to an rss weather feed and have the background change with the actual weather. Big plans. But sometimes big plans never materialize, as is the case with my now perpetual-winter-mountain-town background.

I had dinner with some good friends tonight, and the discussion turned to a project that I participated in several years ago. I need to reinvolve myself in working with people. Blogging is nice, but there's magic in the touch of a human being, physical or otherwise. The Magic of Touch - that may make a nice post someday. Perhaps after I post on The Magic of the Khổ Qua - How the Most Bitter Melon on Earth Can Actually Cure All Your Problems.

Ok or Cancel - The Dialogs in Life

For the last 2 weeks I've been engrossed in a web project at work trying to migrate a recruitment database from Access forms to web-based forms. It is actually workable right now (big surprise to me!) and the recruitment process is moving along smoothly. However, I'm enduring some serious after effects. I used VBScript to connect all the pages and being a novice at even VB in general, I've spent a lot of time trying to get things to work. I'm now thinking in "if...then" statements (which is not totally effective in a marriage) and I'm under the impression any mistake I make can be fixed with a simple click of the "Undo." Everything around me seems to be framed in procedures and sub procedures, which for one, lead to an interesting thought today.

The common interface between a user and his or her machine is the dialog box. It's small, to the point and in most cases directs the machine what to do next. Although some just inform, the majority of dialog boxes ask the user a question, or rather an ultimatum which requires an answer of yes or no, Ok or Cancel. Some contain a simple question, others an entire copyright. Some dialogs have evolved into incredibly complex windows with lots of information and a series of questions we must answer before clicking Ok or Cancel. No matter how many answers we come up with, it always comes down to one choice - Ok or Cancel. (Actually, there's the little close box at the top which technically counts as a null click, I think, but for all intents and purposes we'll count that a Cancel click. Man, what a geek) No matter what we chose in the interim, our click on one of the two buttons is what decides the next action the machine will take. I realized riding my scooter home today that life is like that in many ways.

How many times do we get hit with promptings from above that leave us with a choice? "Help that old lady across the street. Ok or Cancel" How often do we click Cancel too quickly, or perhaps ponder and mull over the prospect of acting on that prompting... and then click no? Some choices are quick and painless, like "Shall I eat breakfast this morning?" Others are incredibly complex, multi-faceted decisions impacting multiple people and setting the direction for the rest of your life. We can come up with our own answers, we can beat around the bush until the cows come home trying to figure out what to do, but it all comes down to one choice: Ok or Cancel

Theorize, analyze, rationalize it away, but it still distills down to one choice.

Visit the elderly at a nursing home even though they can't move and they drool and stink and might be gone soon anyway.

Ok or Cancel

Take a moment to reflect on your blessings even though a loved just passed away and you lost your job and your brother is in jail.

Ok or Cancel

Hold your tongue even though he or she has offended you so many times before and you're hurt and they're rude and you're so tired of it.

Ok or Cancel

Surprise a loved one even though you're so busy and your work day was hard and they see you 24/7 and already know you love them.

Ok or Cancel

Apologize to someone even though they deserve your grudge.

Ok or Cancel

Make the change in your life that you've needed for so long even though you're not ready and you're a little afraid and it might hurt.

Ok or Cancel

Help that old lady across the street even though you don't know her and it's cliché.

Ok or Cancel

Oh, how life is like an internet of its own. So many distractions and entertainments, enticements and allurements, inventions and deceptions - all swirling around a handful of worthwhile destinations. Each decision moves us closer to a destination. What kind of destination? It's not the balance of Ok's and Cancel's, but the sequence and frequency of our choices and the pattern set by such that determine what destination we ultimately receive. We will be lead finally to meet our Maker in the infinite worlds to come who will ask if we are prepared to move forward into glory and peace, a far better world of promise instead of continuing in the pain and sorrow of this life. At that moment, faced with the ultimate decision and final dialog box, the answer will make its way out of our heart, already determined by thousands of previous answers, before we can even stop it.

Ok

or

Cancel

A Fairy Tale for Unwitting Adults, Part 2

My idea going into this study of the Book of Mormon, especially the section dealing with evidence for and against its historicity, was if the Book of Mormon is true, then it has to stand up to the most rigorous assaults and critiques that skeptics and nonbelievers can make. So I made every effort to honestly, fully investigate every criticism, every objection that's ever been made to the historicity of the Book of Mormon. One has to suspend judgment in a number of cases, because it's hard to say when the evidence will all be in, but at the present there are still a number of unresolved anachronisms and problems and ambiguities in the text.

But I felt satisfied that there was in every case a corresponding weight on the other side of the equation, which actually led me to, I think, some very important insights into the nature of faith and how faith works. I came to the conclusion, in large part through my study of the Book of Mormon, that for faith to operate, and for faith to have moral significance in our lives, then it has to at some level be a choice. It can't be urged upon us by an irresistible, overwhelming body of evidence, or what merit is there in the espousing of faith? And it can't be something that we embrace in spite of overwhelming logical rational evidence to the contrary, because I don't believe that God expects us to hold in disregard that faculty of reason that he gave us.

But I do believe that the materials are always there of which one can fashion a life of belief or a life of denial. I believe that faith is a revelation of what we love, what we choose to embrace, and therefore I think [it] is the purest reflection of the values that we hold dear and the kind of universe that we aspire to be a part of. And so it comes ultimately as no surprise to me that the evidence will never be conclusive on one way or the other. I think that there's a purpose behind the balance that one attains in the universe of belief. ...

This quote from Terryl Givens (taken from an interview for the PBS FRONTLINE "The Mormons" found here) presents an interesting view of faith. Givens distills faith down to a choice - a choice to believe in something that has not been proven nor is based on any tangible evidence; or in Alma's words, the choice to "hope for things which are not seen, which are true." The crux of spirituality is being able to reach beyond this human body which demands proof, and attain a higher level through positive thinking. This is the emphasized by Christ himself: "Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed." (John 20:29)

Religions are based on faith. If it were not so, religions would be no more than service organizations or social clubs. Yet it seems that in our attempt to prove the "only true church," some may lose sight of this principle. Those against the LDS Church claim that we are "unwitting" for following a religion that has so little evidence - the fact that religion is founded on faith (not requiring evidence) is somehow disregarded. Those Latter-day Saints who take up arms against other religions claim that those religions are the "whore of all the earth" - the fact that only those who "fight against Zion" are considered such is somehow shoved to the side. The point of my other post (which I didn't portray very well) was that the two above parties represent two extremes on the spectrum - those who actively engage in discrediting the Church and those who actively engage in discrediting those who discredit the Church. I mentioned a "delineation" in my last post - I meant the delineation in question which, to me, is the invisible line that is constructed by these two extremes, when really there's more common ground than not.

I love the idea of faith because it's so all-encompassing; I can have faith in Jesus Christ as my Redeemer just as much as I can faith that the sun will rise this morning. One I've seen everyday of my life and one I haven't seen even once, but that's the beautiful of faith - seeing is not necessarily believing. When it comes to evidence, well, say what you may but I have my evidence for everything I've ever believed to be true. That evidence is in my heart.